THE SERIOUSNESS OF DOUBT
Delight thyself also in the Lord; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart. – Psalm 37:4
I love running – especially on trails. One of my desires in life is to be a consistent runner than can whip out a random half marathon race with good elevation. It’s strange but I feel God’s pleasure when I run. I feel like I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing – it’s a part of who I am, etched deep within my bones. Over the last few years however, I have allowed my life circumstances to destroy my fitness.
Right now I am only running once a week, usually a high stress workout. Yesterday, I realized that I need to get back into running consistently and I asked God for a miracle – could He make my body be able to handle the stress of running everyday so I can become consistent again without having to work up to it? I feel as though my prayer is a little unrealistic.
The same would be in Christian disciplines. As a new convert we are on fire. After a revival service we are motivated. During a retreat we set all these goals. But what happens? Life settles in and we become discouraged. So we ask God for a miracle and expect Him to do all the work. Then months go by and we wonder why God isn’t fulfilling our desires like He promised.
Since 2011, God has been putting a dream on my heart that I have been excited about, but wow, has the journey been hard.
We often, and I am very guilty of this myself, see those who have succeeded and praise their efforts in getting there. We congratulate their accomplishments and get excited for them, knowing that it took a lot to reach their goals. But have we really thought about what it took to get there? Have we actually sat down and thought about the tears they shed in frustration and disappointment? Or considered how many people were down on them and discouraged them in chasing after their dreams? How many times did they throw in the towel, then decide to get up and try again? How many circumstances challenged their motivation to keep going?
Think of someone you greatly admire for whatever reason. Were they like that when they were born? Or did they have to work to get there?
You are no different.
We are all human.
It’s unrealistic to think that we don’t have to work on seeing our dreams and desires fulfilled.
Over the last 14 years, God has really worked on my heart in a way that at the time is not pleasant, but the outcome is always worth it. God has affirmed this dream through scriptures, brought people in my life to encourage me – including random strangers – and changed the vision to create something I never would have thought I was going to chase after.
I am grateful for the journey… now.
However, there is something I regret. Do I believe God will answer my prayers? Yes. I have seen Him answer so many already. I’ve seen Him do supernatural things, and answer prayers I would have thought to be silly.
So what do I regret?
I regret not enjoying the journey more. I wish I would have trusted God and enjoyed all the good in my life rather than focus on the bad. God says He will provide, so I should have had peace and not fretted. God says He loves and cares about me, so I should have not cared what other people thought. God says He answers prayer and gives us the desires of our heart, so I should not have lived in doubt and discouragement so much. God says that He works all things out for my good, so I shouldn’t have felt each day like I just needed to survive.
I wish I would have taken God at His word, claimed His promises in scripture as truth, and ran with them. I wish I would have kept my childlike faith and lived each day in wonder at things so simple and beautiful, others would think it silly.
But my sin hindered my enjoyment in life – the fullness of an intimate relationship with God.
I was full of doubt that God is who He said He is. I was full of fear, discontentment, and complaining remarks. I became frustrated with God for giving me a dream that seemed impossible. I got bitter every time He would lay it on my heart to pray about anything that had to do with this vision.
My heart was creating an idol of my sin and I took my eyes off of Christ.
And it all started with doubt… doubt about the truths written in scripture.
This is sin and the very temptation satan used against Eve in the Garden of Eden, Did God really say?
Psalm 37:4 promises that God will fulfill our desires as we delight in Him. Period. There are no and, buts or ifs about it. We can’t delight in Him if we are calling Him a liar and doubt everything He says.
Because the one thing I regret is that I haven’t enjoyed the journey over the last 14 years, a couple weeks ago I decided I can’t keep going back and forth. I have to choose to take God at His word, to pray for patience as I wait for Him to fulfill my desires, and to enjoy the present.
Here is a download I’ve shared before, grab a hold of one of God’s “character qualities” and think upon it. Pray about it. Ask God to show you more of who He is today. It will help you to enjoy the journey while you wait for Him to answer your prayers.
Happy Running and enjoy your day!
Be Still and Run 