Hope Will Keep you Going

Life is full of ups and downs.

I don’t know about you, but my mood easily and effortlessly transitions from despair to optimism. Sometimes within seconds.

Just last night, I couldn’t bare life anymore.  I am usually very optimistic.  I usually look for the positive in anything.  But these past few days I just couldn’t. There was no desire in me to look for the good. I wanted nothing but to curl up into a ball and cry.  I felt emotionless. I wasn’t really sad. I wasn’t really angry. Did my recent sickness effect my emotions?  It’s possible. But it was clear to everyone my lack of eye contact and words meant something was wrong.  They gave the chance during prayer meeting to share requests but I didn’t know how to ask or even what to say.  Everyone knew the situations I was in, but the state of my soul, I didn’t know how to explain.  Bless their hearts, they tried to pray for me as best they could. 

This morning I couldn’t help but think about what was going on in my heart. It wasn’t like my faith was weak.  I could still hear from God, I knew He was still close. So why did I feel this way? What was going on in my heart that caused me to feel so off and out of character?

 It is so hard to be without a job.  I never realized how much of a comfort and security it brought. Why have I not had an interview?  Why is it that most of the job openings seem to be low income, not enough to pay my bills?  I never thought I’d be in this position. I never thought I would be on the verge of mental breakdown.  Where did the excited to enjoy the journey girl go? I can have faith when it’s someone else.  But when it’s me, I feel the stress more and I’m actually having to be the one to trust and do the work I have told others to do.

So I sought God for a scripture and He laid on my heart Romans 5:1.  I decided to open up a devotional and read the contents. My heart was drawn to the one on hope.  I quickly realized that God was orchestrating this turn of events.  Romans 5:2-5 was the passage I had to turn to.

What is hope?

Hope makes not ashamed.

If faith is the substance of things hoped for (Heb. 11:1), was it hope that I was lacking, not faith?

So where was I supposed to get hope?

Hope is found in claiming the truth of God’s Word and choosing to believe it.

As I think about this, I begin to see my situations in a new light.  I have food.  I have shelter.  I have a loving church family.  I’m in good health. God has always been faithful in providing in the past, why would this time be any different?

I am comforted with the hope that where God leads, He will provide.  Even if it makes no sense.  Even if I can’t see where God is directing all of this. Even if I don’t know what is going on.

As Psalm 37:4 settles on my heart, I try to imagine in light of what is going on how this is all going to work out. How am I going to keep going? I’ve come to the realization that as I bring my requests before the Lord that this phrase is a good one to hold onto…

When you can’t see what is happening, Hope will keep you going.