As A Person, Background/About, Be Still, Be You, feelings, Knowing Your Why, Letting Go and Letting God, Life, Racing

Why am I doing this?

As I ran through the park during a 5k race, the thought finally crossed my mind.  The thought that I had never had but had always heard of.   It came by surprise at the time and I was dead serious. 

Why am I doing this?!  I hate running and I’m never running again.

It shocked me.  I was dumbfounded.  But I got a PR of 27:30!  I had never ran faster and before that I wasn’t really sure I could even run that fast.  I was ecstatic and couldn’t wait to run again!

Life is full of these moments aren’t they?  Sometimes the valleys are longer than we would like, but in the end they are always worth it.  It’s in those times where we see God and experience Him in a way we will never forget.  The loneliness and total helplessness draws us closer to Christ if we allow it and completely changes our life!

What would have happened if in the moment I had the thought, “Why am I doing this?”I had quit?  Do you think I would have gotten that Personal Record?  Probably not.  Actually, it’s a 99.9% guarantee that I would not have.

I’ve been thinking of writing about my Wilderness Experience for quite a few years now and I can’t wait to share it with you!  But there is a little problem that holds me back.  There is such a huge detail about my it that I am not ready to include in public sources.  It all started with a promise God gave me that has not yet come to fruition.  Sometimes I wonder if it ever will happen.  Did I hear God correctly?  Have I been waiting on pins and needles for something that isn’t really going to happen?  Did I get some of the details incorrectly? 

Have you ever been there?

Has God ever given you a dream or a vision for your future that just seems, well, not realistic?

Yet the desire just gets stronger every year to the point it overwhelms your thoughts and you can’t think of anything else. 

I’ve been there.  Over the last seven years God has been giving me little puzzle pieces of what He wants to do in my life and they have been hard to accept.  Not because I don’t want to accept them, but because they are scary.

I grew up wanting to be the background person, not really seen.  I wanted to just live a normal life with no unnecessary burdens, heartaches, or trials.  I didn’t want to totally surrender to God’s plan because I knew that once I accepted it, He would require of me a lot more than I was willing to give. 

Yet as time went on and God revealed more and more details of what He created me to do on this earth to glorify Him, I became more and more overwhelmed and fearful.  Who am I to do this?  There are other people way better suited to accomplish this task.  I was having a Moses moment.  You know, when God told him He was going to deliver the Israelites through him and Moses technically says, “No way Lord, I am not qualified for this task, please send someone else.” I did not feel qualified. (See Exodus 4:10-13)

One of the biggest lessons I learned through my wilderness time was that God knows what we can handle.  He knows when we are ready.  He knows what we can and cannot do.  The reason He chooses people who think they are not qualified is so that He is glorified through the process and we are not.  We are to be His workmanship, His clay pot molded BY Him and FOR Him.

But the only problem is… it’s trials and hard times that form us and prepare us for what God wants us to do.  Leading up to the 5k I mentioned above I went through some really rough patches.  The workouts sometimes were brutal and I would be sore for days.  But in the end, that didn’t matter.  When I got that PR, all of a sudden those workouts and the pain were worth it. 

So why am I doing this?  Because in the end it will be worth it!!

I love you and will continue to pray for you,

Until next time, Happy Running!

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